Self-Coach Sunday 80: Convert Compliments Into Acknowledgments

One way to attract success is to convert your compliments into acknowledgments. Compliments come fairly often: “what a beautiful scarf”, or “that was a great performance.” Although getting these are wonderful, acknowledgments are even better. When you acknowledge someone it is about who the person is, instead of what the person has or does. For example: “I really appreciate the support you have shown by coming all the way from Baltimore to see my concert. Your presence is meaningful.” This is very personal and leaves that person feeling good about himself.

A compliment is great; an acknowledgement is more meaningful. Practice giving acknowledgments with people you encounter. Be as specific as possible. Instead of saying “you’re terrific,” say, “you’re a great speaker. I admire how poised and graceful you handle yourself.” Know a great cook? Instead of saying, “what a delicious dinner!” you could say, “this is a superb meal. Your attention to detail is incredible.”

Giving an acknowledgment is energizing for both the giver and the receiver. Change this one thing and you will attract people.

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Self-Coach Sunday 79: Say It Like It Is, But Gently

Prepare people for what you have to say. Avoid the difficult, awkward and even painful things you may say to people by saying it like it is. For example: let someone know that what you want to talk to them about isn’t easy for you and may be difficult for them to hear. The point is not to sugar-coat what you say – say exactly what you need to in a way that the other person can hear and understand. It is not about saying something to upset someone – so be gently. Even though you are “saying it like it is,” be in a positive and unconditionally constructive state with everything you say.

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Self-Coach Sunday 78: Bite Your Tongue

Often, we think that everyone wants to hear the wonderful advice we have to offer. In reality, people may or may not want to hear what we have to say. A simple way to save your breath: ask permission. Coaches call this technique interrupting. Gently interrupt and voice that you might have a suggestion, and might they be interested in hearing it? You can also ask: “would you like to hear how I handled that?” Or, “could I give you some advice?” Always make it a point to ask before giving advice. It is the gracious and effective thing to do. In time, it will become effortless.

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Self-Coach Sunday 77: Turn Complaints Into Requests

Complaining is not attractive. Give it up. Do you enjoy listening to someone complaining? I didn’t think so.

The solution: turn the complaint into a request. Come up with your request. The other person can say yes, no, or counteroffer. When you hear that complaint coming, think of the request you’d like to make. Also, let people know about this action. When they catch you complaining, have them ask YOU what the request is you’d really like to make.

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Self-Coach Sunday 76: Listen Profoundly

Now that you have stopped talking so much, you will have more time to listen. Are you a good listener? Most people think they are. Listening is an art, and like any skill, it takes practice. Stop worrying about what you are going to say. What really attracts people is how well you listen. The way to build trust is to listen, and keep on listening.

One rule of thumb is to talk 20 percent of the time and listen 80 percent. Try this today and see what happens. And remember, if you are talking in your head, judging or thinking of your reply, then you are not truly listening. Be aware of how much you talk to yourself, while you are listening to someone else. Then, shift your focus back on the other person. Really hear everything that person has to say.  The more profoundly you listen, the more people will enjoy being around you.

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