Self-Coach Sunday 82: Stop Trying to Change People

Trying to change people is a waste of time. The only thing you can do is be a model for them. If they don’t pick up your modeling, move on. Life is too short.

People in our lives are often mirrors of ourselves. If you don’t like something in someone else, it is probably a mirror for the same trait you don’t like about yourself. Instead of changing the other person, look within and see where YOU can improve yourself. Learn what you can from other people, but forget trying to change them. Even better – see if you CAN”T find faults in others.

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Self-Coach Sunday 81: Accept Graciously

Most of us have no problem giving gifts; but some may find it difficult to accept them. Accept gifts graciously. Not only is it impolite, but also unattractive to reject a gift or compliment. Remove the clique sayings:”It was really nothing,” or “oh, this old thing,” or “I just bought it on sale.” Simply say, “Thank you!” – maybe include a smile:)

By accepting graciously, you increase the chances of pleasure-giving. Grant the giver the full satisfaction of this compliment or gift. You can practice this yourself by giving three genuine compliments each day this week to different people and notice how they respond.  Then, notice how you feel about the response. In addition to accepting graciously, don’t forget to be gracious. Say thank you often.

One last thing: thank you for reading my post and supporting my mission as a coach to help move you forward!

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Self-Coach Sunday 80: Convert Compliments Into Acknowledgments

One way to attract success is to convert your compliments into acknowledgments. Compliments come fairly often: “what a beautiful scarf”, or “that was a great performance.” Although getting these are wonderful, acknowledgments are even better. When you acknowledge someone it is about who the person is, instead of what the person has or does. For example: “I really appreciate the support you have shown by coming all the way from Baltimore to see my concert. Your presence is meaningful.” This is very personal and leaves that person feeling good about himself.

A compliment is great; an acknowledgement is more meaningful. Practice giving acknowledgments with people you encounter. Be as specific as possible. Instead of saying “you’re terrific,” say, “you’re a great speaker. I admire how poised and graceful you handle yourself.” Know a great cook? Instead of saying, “what a delicious dinner!” you could say, “this is a superb meal. Your attention to detail is incredible.”

Giving an acknowledgment is energizing for both the giver and the receiver. Change this one thing and you will attract people.

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Self-Coach Sunday 79: Say It Like It Is, But Gently

Prepare people for what you have to say. Avoid the difficult, awkward and even painful things you may say to people by saying it like it is. For example: let someone know that what you want to talk to them about isn’t easy for you and may be difficult for them to hear. The point is not to sugar-coat what you say – say exactly what you need to in a way that the other person can hear and understand. It is not about saying something to upset someone – so be gently. Even though you are “saying it like it is,” be in a positive and unconditionally constructive state with everything you say.

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Self-Coach Sunday 78: Bite Your Tongue

Often, we think that everyone wants to hear the wonderful advice we have to offer. In reality, people may or may not want to hear what we have to say. A simple way to save your breath: ask permission. Coaches call this technique interrupting. Gently interrupt and voice that you might have a suggestion, and might they be interested in hearing it? You can also ask: “would you like to hear how I handled that?” Or, “could I give you some advice?” Always make it a point to ask before giving advice. It is the gracious and effective thing to do. In time, it will become effortless.

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If you are interested in coaching or have questions, please feel free to contact me.

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