Self-Coach Sunday 80: Convert Compliments Into Acknowledgments

One way to attract success is to convert your compliments into acknowledgments. Compliments come fairly often: “what a beautiful scarf”, or “that was a great performance.” Although getting these are wonderful, acknowledgments are even better. When you acknowledge someone it is about who the person is, instead of what the person has or does. For example: “I really appreciate the support you have shown by coming all the way from Baltimore to see my concert. Your presence is meaningful.” This is very personal and leaves that person feeling good about himself.

A compliment is great; an acknowledgement is more meaningful. Practice giving acknowledgments with people you encounter. Be as specific as possible. Instead of saying “you’re terrific,” say, “you’re a great speaker. I admire how poised and graceful you handle yourself.” Know a great cook? Instead of saying, “what a delicious dinner!” you could say, “this is a superb meal. Your attention to detail is incredible.”

Giving an acknowledgment is energizing for both the giver and the receiver. Change this one thing and you will attract people.

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Self-Coach Sunday 77: Turn Complaints Into Requests

Complaining is not attractive. Give it up. Do you enjoy listening to someone complaining? I didn’t think so.

The solution: turn the complaint into a request. Come up with your request. The other person can say yes, no, or counteroffer. When you hear that complaint coming, think of the request you’d like to make. Also, let people know about this action. When they catch you complaining, have them ask YOU what the request is you’d really like to make.

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Self-Coach Sunday 76: Listen Profoundly

Now that you have stopped talking so much, you will have more time to listen. Are you a good listener? Most people think they are. Listening is an art, and like any skill, it takes practice. Stop worrying about what you are going to say. What really attracts people is how well you listen. The way to build trust is to listen, and keep on listening.

One rule of thumb is to talk 20 percent of the time and listen 80 percent. Try this today and see what happens. And remember, if you are talking in your head, judging or thinking of your reply, then you are not truly listening. Be aware of how much you talk to yourself, while you are listening to someone else. Then, shift your focus back on the other person. Really hear everything that person has to say.  The more profoundly you listen, the more people will enjoy being around you.

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Self-Coach Sunday 74: Stop The Gossip

As much as you may love hearing about the dirt on someone, do you ever wonder what others might be saying about you when you aren’t around? No one trusts gossip. You may really miss out on profound conversations because of trust or lack of trust. The rule is to avoid talking about someone who isn’t present. That is a simple rule to follow. Every time you don’t follow it – it is gossip.

A graceful way to steer the conversation away from gossip is to say, “I’d rather hear about you; or I don’t feel comfortable talking about someone who isn’t present.”

What is wrong with a little friendly gossip? Simply put, it can be harmful and destructive. The benefit of giving up gossip: people will start to trust you.

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Self-Coach Sunday 71: Learn To Hear Those Subtle Messages

Life is a wonderful instructor. It has a great way of sending us messages that can wake us up. So often, however, we fail to hear them or are too busy and miss them. Each time you ignore the message, it will get louder and louder until it becomes a crisis. Avoid the crisis and take action at the first sign.

Listen to the subtle messages and take immediate measures to act. It is better to over-respond than do nothing. Heed the warning that is being sent to you and avoid the crisis. Freeing your self from these crises opens you up to attract more of what you want in life.

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