Self-Coach Sunday 80: Convert Compliments Into Acknowledgments

One way to attract success is to convert your compliments into acknowledgments. Compliments come fairly often: “what a beautiful scarf”, or “that was a great performance.” Although getting these are wonderful, acknowledgments are even better. When you acknowledge someone it is about who the person is, instead of what the person has or does. For example: “I really appreciate the support you have shown by coming all the way from Baltimore to see my concert. Your presence is meaningful.” This is very personal and leaves that person feeling good about himself.

A compliment is great; an acknowledgement is more meaningful. Practice giving acknowledgments with people you encounter. Be as specific as possible. Instead of saying “you’re terrific,” say, “you’re a great speaker. I admire how poised and graceful you handle yourself.” Know a great cook? Instead of saying, “what a delicious dinner!” you could say, “this is a superb meal. Your attention to detail is incredible.”

Giving an acknowledgment is energizing for both the giver and the receiver. Change this one thing and you will attract people.

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Self-Coach Sunday 79: Say It Like It Is, But Gently

Prepare people for what you have to say. Avoid the difficult, awkward and even painful things you may say to people by saying it like it is. For example: let someone know that what you want to talk to them about isn’t easy for you and may be difficult for them to hear. The point is not to sugar-coat what you say – say exactly what you need to in a way that the other person can hear and understand. It is not about saying something to upset someone – so be gently. Even though you are “saying it like it is,” be in a positive and unconditionally constructive state with everything you say.

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Self-Coach Sunday 77: Turn Complaints Into Requests

Complaining is not attractive. Give it up. Do you enjoy listening to someone complaining? I didn’t think so.

The solution: turn the complaint into a request. Come up with your request. The other person can say yes, no, or counteroffer. When you hear that complaint coming, think of the request you’d like to make. Also, let people know about this action. When they catch you complaining, have them ask YOU what the request is you’d really like to make.

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Self-Coach Sunday 76: Listen Profoundly

Now that you have stopped talking so much, you will have more time to listen. Are you a good listener? Most people think they are. Listening is an art, and like any skill, it takes practice. Stop worrying about what you are going to say. What really attracts people is how well you listen. The way to build trust is to listen, and keep on listening.

One rule of thumb is to talk 20 percent of the time and listen 80 percent. Try this today and see what happens. And remember, if you are talking in your head, judging or thinking of your reply, then you are not truly listening. Be aware of how much you talk to yourself, while you are listening to someone else. Then, shift your focus back on the other person. Really hear everything that person has to say.  The more profoundly you listen, the more people will enjoy being around you.

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Self-Coach Sunday 75: Don’t Spill Your Guts

If you are discreet, then this will not apply to you. If, instead, you feel compelled to share the details of your private life to colleagues and new friends, you might was to considering holding your tongue. Most people do not want to hear the most intimate details. Save these stories for your mom, spouse, therapist, coach or long-time friend.

When someone asks you something, keep the answer short and simple without revealing too many details. If someone presses for more detail, simply say “that is a personal question.” Don’t spill your guts – it isn’t professional. As relationships develop you can consider sharing more important parts of your past. Err on the side of not telling everything. Instead, be interested not interesting – interested in other people instead of being interesting.

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